Pencils to Broken Laws
by Spacer-boy
Summary: Anna finally gets her shot in public school after years of homeschooling. When she arrives, she is quick to realize that to be there she must fight the crowd. Seeking comfort in her teacher, Elsa Arens. As the two grow closer, Anna will learn some things she just isn't ready to learn about her teacher. {G!PAnna; TeacherxStudent; modern; non-incest; Elsanna TW: Self harm;depression}
1. chapter 1

_Chapter 1: Welcome to English class_

 **Elsa**

The dreaded alarm buzzed at its usual time. You'd think after years of waking up early to attend high school and resently my college year that I'd be fairly use to the time.

But no. I fight the alarm every day, normally ending in me tossing the horrid device across the room. Well an attempt to say the least.

Being realist it fumbles off the side table to the floor. I'm surprised myself that it's two years old.

I drag myself out of the warm and soft bed to the cold and hardwood flooring of my small house.

Clattering to the floor I yawn. Glaring at the clock I pick it up and set it in its original spot for tomorrow's next meeting with it.

I finally stand in my two long and rather skinny feet, my legs wobbly due to the night before of endless test corrections.

I had stayed up a bit past my liking. Twelve being dead line for me, I stayed up until two saying to myself only one more I promise. That went off until I realized the stack was gone.

I slip on a grey tank up using a black flannel as my cover up seeing that schools have a strick dress code. Being a teacher I needed to be aware of these rules as well.

I force myself into skinny jeans that I swear shouldn't be marked the size that they are. Medium my ass.

I comb my hair, brush my teeth rather fast before running down my stairs and slipping on my shoes. Thinking better of my time, I skip my breakfast heading straight to the door.

However I do take an apple to snack on and remember to grab my lunch.

In the car I put on my thin frames, checking my appearance and doing what normal females do, I run my had through my natural waved hair a few times.

Satisfied with the turn out. I start my car and head to the high school, it being only ten minutes of a drive.

Making it in. I place my lunch in the teachers Lounge. As I walk out of the room, I notice the small amount of students here.

A few greeting me as I make my way to my class room.

Biting into my apple, I hear the clashing of lockers increased and chatter start to arise.

A few students from my first hour dropping into to set their stuff down on their assigned desk.

I throw the apple to the trash and head to the opening of the room watching students make fools of themselves.

That was high school though, a time to test waters before being released as an adult. Jokes are needed now more then ever.

Stress will find its way to my seniors.

Warning bell ringing in the halls set the students into a loud and obnoxious mess.

A few greet me with a hello or good morning as they enter my English classroom. I decided I had enough of the hallway scene and head inside where I started light chatter to a girl who I had assigned the seat in front of my desk.

"When will the test grades be in?" She asked as she organized her stuff neatly under her chair in the small metal type tray.

"I suppose this class's grade should be in tomorrow the latest." Her sits up from her slouched position giving me a smile as she does.

Dark brown eyes boring into me.

Then final bell rung. I allow the class to get fixated and ready seeing some of them were chatting to friends from across the room. After a minute I start my teaching.

"Who here knows the story Romeo and Juliet?" I ask the tired class. A lot all rose their hands. "Good because this unit we will be reading and analyzing the story. Picking apart scenes and acting through the important scene."

Tired yet eager eyes followed me as I slightly paced the room like I always do when teaching.

This unit should be a lot...easier? The last unit was hard according to students. Of course said being half of them didn't read their chosen book and refused to do their essay correctly.

Neverless, this should be easy. Even for the simplest mind.

As I explain more into what we'll be doing I soft knock was heard on the door. I open the door immediately meeting teal eyes with a lost expression. She clinched a paper and inhaled.

"I-is this English with..." She glanced down at the paper before meeting my gaze again. "Ms.Arens?"

"That would be correct. Why are you almost fifteen mintues late?"

I glance back at the curious and confused class of mine as the girl took her time trying to speak.

"I just t-transfered here and I got here late."

"Well I let this pass but I expect you here on time Miss..." I say waiting for the redhead to give me a name to use.

"Oh! Anna...Anna Fields."

"Alright Miss Fields come on in." I step away from the doorway allowing the shy girl inside. Her face booming with embarrassment as she saw twenty-eight sets of eyes of her. "Class this is Anna. She will be joining our class so make sure to make her feel welcome. Is there anything you'd like to say Anna?" I ask and she quickly shakes her head obviously wanting to sit down. "Very well. Take a seat over there next to Rapunzel. Rapunzel sweetie, please raise your hand."

Rapunzel rose her hand happily. She's the cheer captain so I have my doubts when setting the new girl to the school next to her but you never know. Maybe by next week Anna will be one with the popular kids.

Heavens knows that I wasn't but that's besides the point. This new kid reminds me a lot like myself in highschool. I should lighten up on the girl but I know that won't work.

I'm pretty known for being a calm and supportive teacher, one you'd go to for advice or help but I was also know to be strict and uptight in class.

Sighing slightly I resume the lesson.


	2. Chapter 2

_Chapter 2: Trouble_

 **Anna**

This is so much different then what I expected high school to be like. I wouldn't know since I was homeschooled due to...

"Hey!" An excited whisper said next to me. Right, this is...Rapunzel? Yeah, that's it. "I love your hair color. It's so pretty."

"Thank you," I shyly say back but I was quickly cut off by a small tapping by my desk.

"Anna since you're new to my class. This will be a warning. No talking during lessons." Wow, she's strict. I watch the teacher slowly make her way around the class chatting about some book, I've never heard about.

"Don't worry about her. is pretty strict during class hours but she's actually nice." Rapunzel whispered at me. I decided for the best of not getting in trouble to not answer.

"She's a strange teacher," Rapunzel said rubbing small circles into her eyes trying to wake up.

My eyes followed back to the blonde teacher. Her lips spoke the literature but her eyes seem lost in a swirl of emotion. Not much to read from it besides darkness.

She finally stopped as the bell rang. The clattering of notebooks and pencils were heard as many of my peers raced from the room.

Myself, I took my time collecting my brightly color notebook into my bag. Carelessly tossing my mechanical pencil into the bag.

"You want to sit with my friends and I at lunch?" Rapunzel asked over my shoulder as I zipped close the bag, sending a shy smile I nod.

"If you don't mind." Rapunzel gleamed with joy.

"Of course. Let's go," with that we rushed out of the room not taking a second glance at the room or the teacher that stood within it.

The rest of my classes leading to lunch seem to be on repeat. Introduction and the weird stare.

I pushed those things off my mind as I play with a twin braids. A habit of mine when I'm nervous. The lunch was loud and obviously a picky place.

Everyone had a play. The nerds I would guess due to the bulky glasses with the heavy textbooks at one of the front tables every now and again impacting a food if some type.

Normals in the middle. Shy kids like myself in the left corner.

I found Rapunzel with a few jocks and cheerleaders in the back. Their eyes wide as I walk to the table now embarrassed.

"We don't sit with the newbies," hissed a man which Rapunzel quickly slapped in the arm. A growl exiting quickly.

"Guys this is the girl I was talking about earlier."

"The girl," a girl with red curly hair said. The way she said it sounded strange and made me uneasy but that must but just the nerves.

"Yes. Her." Rapunzel smirk and the other did as well.

"Alright, take a seat," a redhead man with green eyes spoke. I immediately sat down, fear slightly arising.

Lunch went by fairly normal. The guys I came to know. Hans, Merida, Jack, Flynn, and Mavis seem cool. A bit on the...weird side to say.

Different from the people I use to hang out with. Then again last time I was in public was second grade.

As we start to pack up Rapunzel stood up dropping the remaining of her tray on my head.

"The newbie really thought that she could sit with us!" Rapunzel yelled chasing everyone's attention. My cheeks burned and tired looking for an escape but none to come.

Milk was added to my head and slowly I felt anger take over me. Stupid hot-headed me.

Next thing I know I'm sitting outside the principal's office as Rapunzel walked out glaring at me.

"It's on bitch," She whispered.

I enter the room and he huffed at me.

"First day here and you're already trouble." Disappointment and regret filled me as I slouch my head down. "I would if thought with your...condition you'd try to stay in the shadows but no you jump onto another girl, beat her senseless and pull her hair. Even if she's a brat that gives no right to do this."

"I know sir. I was completely wrong and I'll take all punishment but please don't kick me out. My parents will homeschool me again and I can't go back to it. It was hell. Please, I beg-"

"I won't send you back. Consider this a warning. But next time you start drama in this school, you're out. Now detention for two weeks."

"Yes sir," I said glumly. Explaining this to my parents will be rough and surely a grounding is a rear.

I set out of the office and sigh. I was forced to wear my gym clothes seeing my old ones were soaked and dirty.

I glance down at the slip and groan. ...


	3. Chapter 3

_Chapter 3: Just in need of advice_

 _ **Elsa**_

I flip through the test slowly putting the scores onto their online grades making sure to get the correcting scoring before allowing myself to confirm.

I did this a couple more times before my detention came in. I was shocked to see two students only walk in. I must be getting the blunt end this week which I didn't mind. The less in here, the less I'd have to worry about them getting off topic due to others.

Rapunzel slammed her bag on the back desk while Anna purposely sat away from the raging girl.

They must of faught, which isn't good at all due to my seating arrangements. I had the slackers near me, the troubled vision kids in the front, and the average in the back. It seems to work perfectly making my teaching a lot more manageable. Granted I do have to tell Johnny to stop sending notes to Mavis when he thinks I'm not looking.

It's funny how students thinks looking at their laps for minutes on end and sometimes smiling is discreet. It's not.

"May I go to Mr.Westergarde's class. I rather not be anywhere near that...thing," Rapunzel said with much venom in her voice. Her eyes glossed Anna as her shoulders slumped down and head dropped.

"That's not a valid reason," my stern voice said and she, of course, huffed her breath. I was the only teacher who dared to challenge Rapunzel.

I see past her blossoming smiles and sweet chatters. I know she wasn't exactly the nicest but I rather not get on the bad side seeing her dad is important to the school. But I wasn't about to let a seventeen-year-old brat walk over me.

"I need to finish my history assignment anyways."

"Fine," I sigh watching her grab the bag from her desk and stomp off, leaving the classroom with a sour face plastered on her.

I travel my gaze away from the now empty doorway and shake my head unamused with the act from the teen.

So immature. Then again she was growing up surely. Last year Rapunzel used to just leave considering I had her for homeroom. Now she listens to me a lot better. Guess I should take in that normal teenagers are now starting to grow up.

I forgot that considering I had matured about six. But if people had the life I had, they know they had to mature, another wise you just are left with no respect. Without that, they go nowhere in life without being taken seriously.

I let my fingers clash with the keyword lightly again entering the grades every once in a while allowing myself to glance up making sure Anna had still been in the spot.

Each time she was. Staring down at the tan desk, lost in thought and controlled by the mind.

I decided to leave her be and continue on with my work seeing she didn't look in the mode to speak to anyone nevertheless myself.

That is until her shy voice spoke up.

"I heard...that you were a teacher that students...um t-talk to," I lift my eyes from the screen that with the help of my glasses made my eyes burn.

I latch my eyes on the redhead before slipping the frames off and rubbing my eyes lightly before returning the familiar glass to my face.

"That would be correct," I answer back relaxing my arms away from the desk and letting my hands rest in my lap. "Is something up?"

"A lot but everyone can say that. I just got into this stupid school and I already want to leave." She started not looking at me. Her teal eyes locked on the desk but soon they reached my iced blue ones. Showing no sign of releasing me from the gaze she spoke again. "Is this school worth it? Seeing you're a teacher and you have seen the kids here more...is it even something to bother with?" She looked away resting her cheek on her right hand.

I took my time analyzing the question and my answer before actually opening my mouth to speak.

"That's for you to decide." I start but a frown cut me off.

"Oh."

"But keep in mind. High school is just a stop, not a destination. It might seem like it but this place and the people within it won't matter in years time. Think about what you want and not what your peers want you to do because guaranteed if you leave, they won't care, meaning you will let them win. The choice is yours Anna but remember high school will suck and you will crash and burn all the time. But with the right mind and people by you, none of that shit matters. You get to hear this. Take it the way you want just be grateful someone told you before you learned it the hard way," my voice soured at the end as the past raced through my eyes. I quickly push them off and sigh.

Teal eyes meet my gaze and she nodded.

"Yeah...I'm just being a baby like always. Kristoff was right. I'm not ready for the public," Anna said but I know she was speaking her thoughts aloud so I didn't answer back. I look back to my computer and slowly make my way back to the subject at hold. The grades.

 _LINE BREAK_

I allow the keys to clatter again the dish I had sitting on a desk in my office. A sigh escaped and I frown as I notice yesterday's mess.

Under those papers, I meant to toss, sat an old picture. My face turned sour looking at it.

Her smile aimed at the camera while my stupid lovesick eyes were focused on her. Her brown hair dangled to her shoulders. Hazel eyes making my rage grow and emptiness fill my heart which she had shattered.

Not able to take the memories anymore I toss the picture in the trash bin. Huffing my breath trying to prevent the locked feelings. I just sit down on the chair glumly.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see my violin that I had gotten from my father a long time ago.

I get up from the chair and sigh picking up the fragile instrument. Father had stayed up nights on end teaching me how to play.

The look of joy when I made it into that concert is something I'll never forget. The pride and happiness.

I allow myself to smile as I walk back to my chair and raise the bow. Slowly I press it the strings. Closing my eyes I play the first song father had taught me to play. A song that reminds me of that time. His love and passion in the song.

Another thing I will never forget.


	4. Chapter 4

_Chapter 4: Eavesdropping_

 _ **Anna**_

The first week of starting in that school came and went faster then anything in my life.

I seems to just pass by without a trace. It made me glad that I wouldn't have to put up with it as long as I thought.

My dad sat at the table eating toast as he strolled through the endless posts on his Facebook.

My mom slaving away with the rest of the dishes. It wasn't usual for me to forget breakfast. I've always just slept through it and surely my brother wasn't going to wake me up from my coma like slumber.

Saturdays have always been my favorite day of the week. My family was always home so getting to leave was rough. But mom had her friends to dally with Saturdays while dad watched his sports.

Kristoff volunteering at the local zoo to explain and clean after the animals within it. God knows I don't hug him when he gets back.

Then there's me. Normally I go to the mall or something with Molly, a good friend but she's out of state at some trip so I couldn't hang out with her.

I thought about getting some ice cream to cool me off with the warm weather but I'm not sure I want to yet. The park bores me when I go alone and seeing a movie didn't seem the best with my status around school.

So I decided to spend my day with a casual walk and maybe I could stop in to get some ice cream.

"Good morning Anna. I was afriad you'd spend Saturday asleep," Mom said as she turned the faucet off drying her hands on a dish towel.

"Seems nice but with the one day I'm away from you people I want to spend it doing something better." Mom snickered and shook her head before kissing my cheek.

"Do whatever you please as long as you don't end up in jail. Be back for dinner," I nod and smiled taking my phone out amd I head out the door.

Brighter than I thought. I breathe in taking in the air enjoying the warmth before actually starting a walk.

After a hour of walking I spot Ms.Arens talking a brown headed man. The teacher seemed to be in some kind of depressing daze as the man hopelessly tried to cheer her up. I continue on my route walking slower then usual.

"I don't know why you're still sweating it. She's been out of your life since high school," the man said and my teacher shrugged.

"I know. It makes no sense but she hooked me in. I was her pawn because she knew my weaknesses and knew exactly how to play with them."

"I told you not to date bisexual girls and what did you do. Never listen to your best friend and now six years later you're still suffering," as much as I wanted do hear more of the conversation my dumb ass tripped and caused me to tumble to the concrete.

"Woah, are you okay?" The man asked as he slowly helped me up. Embarrassment filled my face as a pair of ice cold blue caught me in their trap. Still a hallow and empty expression in her eyes. Her already thin lips press together in and straight line as she stared at me, blinking slowly.

"Y-yeah. I'm fine...ish." I nervously laugh. My teacher's gaze dropped from mine.

"That was a nasty fall. Not sure how you able something like that kind though," Ms.Arens said as she looked back at me.

"I'm a clumsy idiot. Heh...I'll be moving on now," I quickly say shuffling away from them.

"Be careful of the cracks in the sidewalk Anna." Amusement filled her lips and I snicker nodding.

"Sure thing Ma'am," I say and hurry off.

I just learned two things:

My teacher is gay and she's broken inside.

 _ ***A/N***_ _ **Hey guys, sorry for such a short chapter this update. I just pasted the story onto here ans realized it was only a 700 word count. Hopefully i'll learn and add more next update.**_


	5. Chapter 5

_Chapter 5: It was slipped_

 _ **Elsa**_

It was extremely unprofessional for a student to hear a conversation and for my to almost confirm to my best friend Hiccup that I was gay.

It was pushing the limits when I teased her as well which was completely innocent in my head. However what a teenage mind, it could be seem as flirting which wasn't the case.

It frightened me to think of myself even accidentally "Come on" to a student I just had to make sure Anna knew my tease was nothing more then just a friendly tease and not an crush type thing.

I know she saw it that way when she look away with pink cheeks. Dammit, the horror still lives on my face.

First hour came to an end and I politely pulled Anna off the the side.

Her dazed and confused face showed her understanding. I shut the door and inhale deeply.

"Yesterday. I completely ment nothing but-"

"It's okay to be gay Ms.Arens. You don't own me an explanation," She said as she leaned on a desk her teal eyes staring in my eyes shly. "If it makes you feel better I'll tell you my secert. So then we both won't tell others."

Widening my eyes I shook my head. "Anna This is not abo-"

"I'm transgender," She said quickly squeezing her eyes shut. A loud breath was released shortly after.

Oh...no...

This is not what I wanted the conversation to turn to. I saw just gonna tell her I wasn't flirting yesterday not her to tell me a private and personal fact.

"And I'm gay as well...wow it feels great getting that off my chest." She huffed out. I shake my head looking at her.

"Anna this is not what I was getting at all. I called you back to address the teasing I did yesterday and how I wasn't flirting with you not...this stuff."

Horror filled her eyes as a slim hand covered her mouth.

"Oh...god...I just told my English teacher I am trans...and gay. Oh no. I'm dead!" Anna panicked as she jumped from the desk and grabbed the bag underneath her.

Making her way to the door I grab her wrist.

"Anna...Calm down. You'll send yourself into hyperventilation. I won't tell anyone about this." I sigh and sighing a pass before looking back up at her fearful teal eyes and she nods taking it from me.

"I-i...I'll see you afterschool."

With that the redhead raced from the room and away from my sight. Oh god...that's right detention.

I sigh heavily and make my way back to the computer. Just now feeling the numbness from my brain and heart.

Weird...

 _ **Anna**_

What the fuck did I just do? Mom told me not to tell anyone and I go tell a teacher.

And for want reason?

Nothing because she was concerned about harmlessly teasing me.

Then again I did think the tease as a small flirt but I didn't want to say that to her.

I frown running my hair over my shoulders and sigh getting to my second hour. Refusing eye contact, I hand the teacher my pass.

The whole time thinking...I'm such a fuck up.

I'm really not ready for public.

This time it isn't my peers that are making me nervous. It's my teacher.

My English teacher and I don't know why...


	6. Chapter 6

_Chapter 6: Make me trust you_

 _ **Elsa**_

Detention seemed to come by awful faster then the class hours seem to go by.

I sat at my desk slowly typing away the rest of the test corrections I had just finished last night.

Anna slumped down in the desk she used yesterday. I had gotten an email regarding that Rapunzel was switching detention location.

I'm not surprised to say the least. She isn't the one who likes to be around anyone when ticked. Just makes me curious why she deals with Mr.Westergarde.

My face blanked and I sigh. When I looked up she was looking at me. Our eyes fizzled together but she quickly forced the contact with a deep stare.

The pink shade came back and softened eyes found their way to the redhead. It seem like an impossible task to rip my eyes off the blushing minor.

I scowl at my myself and rip my eyes off forcing it to my computer. Focus Elsa. This was becoming wildly inappropriate. This behavior was so childish. You spent your whole life trying to make people see past that weak girl figure.

Don't go back to it. It leads you no where but hurt and sorrow.

I resume typing with a fogged head which obviously left me stumbling over my numbers. So I deleted everything I had written.

I can't focus nevertheless write correct information with a state like this.

Maybe I should company Hiccup to that new bar. A few drinks won't kill me plus I really haven't had alcohol in a few months.

"Are we gonna talk about walk happened in first hour?" A soft and embarrassed voice washed over me making it impossible to keep my thoughts in place.

My eyes lowered and I stare at her confused.

"What's there to say?"

Anna looked frustrated at my comment, as if she expected me to jump into the topic full heartly.

"Well let's start with you're the only one beside the principal to know that I'm trans. You're not going to gossip the secret to the other teachers?"

"Look Anna, it's not my business. I don't talk to most of these teachers so no I'm not going to spill this. Plus I'm pretty offended that you'd think so lowly of me that I'd tell people something very personal."

It was offending to me. Sure she didn't know me but why would she go so far to think I'm cruel enough to announce to the staff memebers that she's a bit different. They don't even know I'm gay.

Honestly I'm been working at this school for three years and I'd probably only spoken to half the teachers here. We're not friends, we don't go out for coffee. Just small chat durning lunch or before school.

That's it.

"I'm sorry but I don't know you. I'm just freaking out here. I shouldn't have told you. My mouth just says shit on its own half of the time," The redhead said covering her head into her arms huffing her breath probably on the verge of crying.

I didnt want the minor to cry over a silly mistake. Course it meant a lot to her but its just another fact that so happens no one knows. Doesn't mean I'll tell anyone.

"You're secret is safe. If it makes you slightly better. You already know me a bit more than everyone else here."

Anna head looked at me as she sniffled. The mascara starting to run down her freckled cheeks.

"How so?"

"Well you found out I'm gay which no one else here knows since I rarely talk to people about myself. I'm sure you overheard my conversation with my dear friend about the fact that I'm depressed. You already know more than people who known me for years do."

"I'm sorry that I was eavesdropping. That girl must have been a real someone." She wiped her eyes as I gazed lower.

"One could say so..." I muttered not caring if the redhead heard it or not.

Memories of the brunette filled me. The late night talks, the filled summers. Everything was amazing until she shattered me. Leaving me hopeless of ever picking the pieces. Instead I leave them there to collect dust not worried if anyone else will try to pick them up and clean it off.

I would describe myself as unrepairable.

I rather not let anyone try and hurt themselves with the jagged edges of it all.

"I didn't mean to...upset you Ms.Arens."

I just nod and look back to my computer acting like I went straight back to work but the reality is I was lost in my head again.

Something very fimliar to me.

Anna must have known since she didn't bother trying to keep the chatter going. Instead silence fell into the room as my hands typed away only to delete was was just written.

One day I'll get over her. Just maybe not in my near future.


	7. Chapter 7

_Chapter 7: I just made things worse_

 _ **Anna**_

Man, I shouldnt have said anything about the girl durning detention. It wasn't my place to.

Plus the empty look on Ms.Arens' face was just terrifying. Once again no emotions fell to it.

Never has been any since I met her. No happiness, no sadness, nothing.

Now I'm sitting at the dinner table playing with my peas with my trusting fork.

"Something the matter Anna-bear?" Dad asked, his face only showed worry.

"Oh not really. Just thinking about school."

"No one is picking on you are they?" Kristoff asked and I shook my head. Obviously I wouldn't tell them about the whole Rapunzel thing.

I just told them I'm in English help after school. It was believable since I'm not the best in the subject.

"Then what's the matter?"

"Just a upcoming test. I don't think I'll do well," I lie which seem to work judging on their faces.

"Oh...well just study dear. I'm sure you'll do fine," I nod and excuse myself from the table to my room.

 _ **Elsa**_

"I dont know Hiccup. That's heavily alcohol. I don't want to be shit face."

Hiccup just snickered pushing the drink closer to me. The clear liquid cold to the touch but the water starting to form and race down the side. Than another drink was placed next to it.

"Oh no, I'm just having the one."

"It's a chaser Els. You drink some after that one. It'll make it easier to swallow."

The drink sounds deadly to me but nevertheless I let my best friend talk me into it. Bringing cup to my lips I take a small sip. The liquor immediately burning mouth.

I try to swallow but indeed I can't so I take a sip of the red colored drink. It's sweet and clashed with the hard core liquor.

Again swallowing it didn't seem possible but Hiccup's hand covered my mouth.

"This isn't cheap. Swallow it or I'll beat you're ass."

I force the drink down, it burning my throat which started to make me couch. Hiccup just laughed, patting my back. To say the least it didn't help.

A few drinks later and to say that I'm drunk is sounding like an understatement.

I tripping over my own feet showing off my drunken state. Socializing like crazy, something I'm beyond doing when sober. My words slurred as I talked.

At this point I was barely speaking English.

Hiccup dragged me out of to my car where he fumbled on my keys trying to understand the new car.

I don't remember the events following up to my house. Just when I woke up for work that I had a terrible headache.

 _ **Anna**_

"Look who it is. The crazed freak," I hear Rapunzel say as she shoved me to my locker.

Please not today. I cant do anything or else I'll be kicked out. I can't go back to homeschooling. It was driving me mad.

"Let's see if you can cry like a baby." Smirking her first slammed into my jaw. Then she kneed her stomach.

Tears clouded my eyes but I wasn't about to cry in front of her and give her what she wanted.

Then the unthinkable happened. She was actually gonna knee my in the crotch. My eyes widen.

"Rapunzel back away from her this instant." A stern voice said. We look over to see Ms.Arens with her crossed. Her face showed much anger.

Rapunzel stepped away. My hands still covering my area. I sigh heavily letting them drop.

Both were staring at me. Of courses Ms.Arens knew more than Rapunzel.

"This isn't over."

Rapunzel stomped away angrily leaving us alone with the many other people chatting to themselves.

"Report to the office Rapunzel!" Shouted slightly over a indoor voice. I highly doubt Rapunzel heard or even cared to listen to the angry teacher. Nevertheless Ms.Arens had a look that would kill right now. "Are you alright?"

"Sorta, thank you though."

She just nodded looking at me. Not sure why though. Well not like that...that sounded mean.

But her face showed emotion for the first time; concern.

Then sadness filled it before it went emotionless once again.

Did I just see her guard break for those small seconds?

"Well try to hurry to class, third begins in less than two minutes."

"Yes Ms.Arens, thank you again." Once again she nodded before continuing her down the Hall.

Weird, her classroom is the other way. Instead the teacher walking out the school doors. Maybe she needed something within her car.

Shrugging I walk away and to my next class of the day, groaning to be brought to math.

Just great.


	8. Chapter 8

_Chapter 8: You sit like a boy..._

 _ **Elsa**_

I just needed to get out of there and quick. As tears fought my eyes, for the first time in a while I couldn't hold them back.

Instead the second I stepped out the door,tears raced each other.

I was forever grateful since I didn't have a third hour but I couldn't exactly leave.

I lean my back against the rough brick of the school.

Seeing Anna pressed against the locker knowing she couldn't defend herself made me think of myself.

Charlie was his name. He used to pick on me everyday in middle school.

I can still remember the rough grasped on my throat and the arm that pressed against my chest forcing me to the locker base as he declared his hate for everyone to see.

But everytime the brunette came to my rescue. All but once...

My heart spassed and I bury my head in my hands.

"Elsa? Are you alright?" A voice asked. I look up to see the choir teacher Amy Woods. A nice girl but overall too nosy for me to actually want to friend her.

She was always trying to stick her nose into my past that clearly upsets me.

Nevertheless I nod at the girl and she rolls her eyes.

"With makeup running down your face and you're still gonna act fine? What's the matter?"

I was quick to wipe my eyes trying to rid the evidence that I had been crying. Sadly mascara doesn't come off easily was just a sweater sleeve.

"It's nothing, I'll be fine."

"You do know being vulnerable and needing someone is okay? Talk to me," Her arm greeted me in and pulled me towards her when I showed no sign of part taking in the side hug.

"Everything is just so hard. I can't even copperhead what to say anymore." Amy frowned slightly burying me deeper in her arms.

Feeling too weak I sobbed like I never did before in front of someone. For the first time besides Hiccup, I allowed myself to cry in front of someone.

I felt weak. I did feel vulnerable. I'm scared of what's becoming of myself.

"I don't know anything about you but I do know you're strong and the way you help students is unmarkable," Her hand raked through my hair as I slowly calmed down.

Once I finally did she smiled.

"Do you feel better?"

I nodded but the truth was I felt worse. I felt sick to my stomach for allowing myself to get to the point of breakdown.

All because of what really?

My past? My student?

What really is going on?

 _(LINE BREAK)_

Detention came around and slowly my class filled with four other students.

When Anna walked in she look surprise by the classroom.

The last few detentions had no one but her but the school's troubled students finally started back up again so here we are.

 _ **Anna**_

Woah I didn't realize she actually had other people in detention.

I look around the room and everyone but one other person was a male.

The guys stared at me making me rather uncomfortable. Meanwhile the girl looked dazed as her gaze stared out the window. Headphones in and hood up. Something that wasn't allowed in school but Ms.Arens didn't seem to care.

The teacher was too transfixed on papers she was working on. Most likely our quiz. God that sucked and I know I failed.

So far public is so hard. I highly doubt I'll even pass.

Ms.Arens' eyes turned to look straight at me. My cheeks flushed and I quickly looked down. Damn, she caught me staring at her.

She just shook her head slightly and went back to working.

Laughter was quickly heard as two guys whispered to each other, looking at me.

"Something you'd like to share with everyone Levi? Mark?"

"Sure thing ma'am," The one said being Mark.

Levi just smirked at me making me uneasy.

"Newbie over there is sitting like a dude." Weirdly enough everyone but the girl with the headphones laughed. Probably due to the fact she had them in.

"Enough. Back to work you two. Mark please move to the back away from Levi."

"Sure thing Ms.Ice Bitch." Of course everyone laughed again.

"Hey newbie, what's wrong? Questioning your gender? Is someone wanting to be a boy?" They laughed and tears soaked my eyes.

I jump from my seat and run out of the room. Before I do, I hear Ms.Arens yelling for them to go to the office.

I run into the unisex bathroom since it was the only one the principal could let the transgender students use.

I hid in the first stall, balling my eyes out. I heard the door open but I decided I didn't care. maybe I should go back to homeschooling.

My dad never cared about the way I sat. It's just not fair.

Maybe I should go through the bottom surgery...even though that part of me didn't make me upset much.

"Anna..." Ms.Arens' voice said as she knocked on the stall door.

"I just want to be normal!" I yelled tears drenching my face more as I open the door looking into her emotionless face.

"Don't let Levi get to you. He's trying to hurt you. Doesn't mean he can." Obviously he can if I'm here in the bathroom sobbing.

"I'm thinking about going back to homeschool." She just nodded and I sobbed again. I didn't want to leave but everyone is so mean.

The only people I really talk to are teachers. Most of them are all school related. But Ms.Arens is the only one I told. But that was an accident.

Which I was glad about in a way.

"Why don't you talk to the counselor here?" I shook my head. I wasn't ready for the whole talking thing. It took me weeks for me to open up to my therapist.

"I can't have my parents knowing that school is rough. They told me I was gonna get picked on. No one cares but them."

Ms.Arens just nodded showing she understood what I said.

"Well you can always talk to me if you need to."

"You know so much about me yet I know nothing about you," I sniffled. It was true I knew nothing about this teacher and she expects me to shove all my life problems to her?

"Well maybe that's something I'll need to share." She softly smiled. Something I had only seem twice now.

This one was different. The first one I seen was a teasing one. This one looked so pure. I smile and she lead me back to her class.

Now only having two other people there.


	9. Chapter 9

_Chapter 9: Questions leading to flashbacks_

 ** _Elsa_**

Anna wants to know things about me. But there's no time to play get to know after school so now she's coming in during her study all second hour since I don't have a class then.

I didn't want to tell this student anything about myself but I understand that if she's telling me so much about herself she should at least know me a bit.

I'm a nervous mess. Passing time was at its final seconds. Finally the redhead walked inside looking obviously sad.

I would ask but she seemed not in the mood to talk about herself.

"So do you have any siblings?" I flared my eyebrows. What a odd question to ask. Nevertheless I shake my head and went to shut the door so the chat wasn't overheard by nosy students and teachers.

Amy...

"You're parents still together?"

The pain of my mother came rushing back but I just sighed shaking my head.

"You're gonna need to speak at some point."

I wasn't ready to open my soul to this girl.

"My mother left shortly after my twelfth birthday," I say trying to keep details in the past. Thankfully Anna just nodded leaving it be knowing I didn't want to talk more about my mother.

"How long have you been teaching?" She ask leaning on the desk looking almost excited for the answer.

"Three years."

"Woah. Is it hard? I mean you have to say the same thing seven times a day."

The comment was enough to make me snicker at her childish statement.

"I only teach four classes," I say and she nodded in understanding what I said.

"How old are you?" The question threw me off guard. Normally students asked teacher but rarely did they receive a real answer. I just shrugged and she pouted. "Oh come on, I wont tell. It's not like I have friends to say it to."

"If you must know...i'm twenty five."

"That's young." I nod and she smiled at me. I take off my glasses wiping the frames trying to clear it since it was a bit messy at the moment. "Have you ever been in love?"

I froze in my tracks and she just stared at me. Slowly I begin to wipe again.

The brunette came to mind. My blood ran cold and memories collided. Those deep words she said to me crushing me.

"Love is nothing but a heartbreak for me." I say keeping it dull, no surprise when my voice was too.

"My mom says love is complicated and you only truly fall in love once."

Well if that's true. I'm sure as hell screwed for the rest of my life. That girl ripped my heart out, tearing it into shreds.

Since then joy just seemed not possible anymore.

"Did you love that one girl?" My hands dropped my glasses and I gripped my desk fighting tears as a certain memory clashed at me..

 _(xXx)_

 _"Elsa!" She yelled giggling as I tickled her._

 _I was sitting on her thighs keeping her trapped, at this point she was at my mercy. I smile as the brunette laughed._

 _Her giggle washing over me causing me to laugh with her. Her legs kicking behind me trying to escape as her hands grabbed my wrists._

 _"Staph! I'm going to pee myself," I laugh and finally let my giggling girlfriend to calm down._

 _Once calm her arms wrapped around my neck pulling my face to hers. My eyes staring into the hazel eyes tracing and memorizing it all._

 _"I love you so much," She said as she smiled at me. Her lips curving perfectly._

 _"I love you so much." My heart beating fast and not just from the major workout it took to actually keep her from kicking me off. "You'll never leave me right?"_

 _"Never. I wouldn't do that to you. I love you Elsa. I'll always be here." Smiling I lean down connecting our lips in a short and love filled kiss._

 _"My heart belongs to you."_

 _"And mine to you."_

 _(xXx)_

"Ms.Arens?" I snap back into reality. I found myself in my desk as my student stared at me with concern.

I could feel that I had been crying.

"I'm sorry. Let's talk about something else." I nod still trying to get the brunette off my mind. I wipe my tears thankful that I decided not to wear mascara today since I knew I'd be talking to Anna and my emotions are never predictable.

She thought for a while before her mouth finally opened, "Why did you pick teaching?"

That question was simple.

"I wanted to be able to teach students since teachers were a big part of my life when I was in high school." Thankfully again she didn't ask probably not wanting to upset me again.


	10. Chapter 10

_Chapter 10: Aunt Clares_

 ** _Anna_**

School has been rough but I find myself talking Ms.Arens' ears off most of the time. I feel bad pressing my problems onto her considering she is dealing with her own still.

So far I've been here for a month. I know time flies. I kinda made a friend. Her name is Mavis but sadly we only have art together, which was seventh hour.

I have gotten to know Ms.Arens a bit more. Not a lot but it's more than I did know, which is a awesome considering not much people know her according to her.

Now I'm at home helping mom and dad clean out the garage. As we did we found a box. It was filled with old pictures and items of younger me. Obviously dad quickly got the box away once realizing what it was and put it into storage.

I sigh looking around and saw my bike making me smile. Man I thought I lost you my dear friend.

Mom and Dad are still in the deciding faze of getting me a car so I still ride with Kristoff. Though it sucks for him since he isn't in school...well high school. He's in his second year of college.

"Hey Anna did you want to keep this?" Mom asked holding up a picture. When I walked over it was me before I transitioned with Molly. I smiled at it. Even though I hated seeing pictures before I transitioned, I just couldn't throw a picture out. Especially when it was when Molly and I went trick or treating as pirates.

"Yeah, this was an awesome day." I take the picture and put it in my sweater pocket along with two other this I had found of mine. My old dog's collar and my old stuffed bear. Yeah, I'm not tossing those.

"Well it think were done here. Can you drop these off at Aunt Clares? She wanted these."

"What is it?" I ask looking at the four boxes. Mom snickered opening one. Inside was old pictures in frames and toys from their childhood.

"Just memories. She wants DeDe to see these." I nod. DeDe was my seven year old cousin. She is such a brat when she wants to be so I guess it made since Aunt Clare wanted her to see this.

I help mom load the boxes into the car.

I know she and dad want this side cleaned out so Mom's car can fit in here since it is a two car garage. Kristoff parks in the driveway and I'm hoping this means they're letting me get a car.

Once loaded I get in and drive off to Aunt Clares.

While pulling up, I was shocked to see a similar platinum blonde hair girl chasing a small brown haired kid. A soft small on her face.

Ms.Arens lives across the street from Aunt Clare?

She didn't seem to notice me which was good I didn't want to interrupt the adorable moment she was having with the little boy. She's great with kids.

"That's Elsa Arens. I don't know much about her but she's too old for you baby," I heard Aunt Clare tease. I turn around a blush on my face.

"No! I wasn't!" My hands frantically waving at her in showing my distaste.

"Well you were staring and you seemed interested by the small on your face."

"No Aunt Clare. She's my English teacher." She chuckled at me and DeDe came running out of course shouting.

"Anna!" She shouted which of course made Ms.Arens look over and see me. My face burned as the seven year old hugged me and playfully tugged at my shirt.

The distracted blonde gave the small kid she was playing with the advantage which ended with a rubber ball to hit her. Now turning back to him she lead him inside.

Great. I made her not even wanting to be outside.

Aunt Clare laughed and shoved me playfully.

"I can't help but to say you might just like your teacher." I gasped at the comment and shoved her playfully.

"Aunt Clare!"

She just laughed and I helped unload the few boxes from the car into her living room. My gaze every once in a while checking if Ms.Arens came back out but if course she didn't.

The boy returned to the yard though. Kicking a red ball and running after it in the yard giggling to himself. Every once in a while would he get it stuck under the car parked in the driveway.

I focus again and walk back inside. Aunt Clare was taking things out of the boxes showing them to DeDe.

"Woah, I remember playing with that," I say pointing to the toy phone that had a red string on it. Aunt Clare smiled dusting it off.

"This thing was a big things back when I was a kid. Look DeDe."

"What does it do?" I snicker moving the dail around and watched it roll back with a ring noise. "How is that fun?"

"You use your imagination sweetie."

"I use to call my 'friends,'" I say quoting the word friends. DeDe just looked at Aunt Clare and I as if we were insane. I chuckle and watch her try to dail a number but nevertheless she was left confused by it.

 **(A/N)**

 **Hey guys. Sorry about a filler chapter. I promise next one will be more interesting.**

 **Also pardon if this chapter is a bit crappy and such. I have the flu and still trying to recover from it.**

 **I'll try to post another chapter sometime soon.**

 **Well that's all I have to say for now. Bye.**


	11. Chapter 11

_Chapter 11: The first secret_

 _ **Anna**_

I walk out of the house to see the small boy still kicking that red ball. How? That would be pretty boring all alone. Yet he giggled as he kicked it again, this time the ball rolling out of the driveway. He chased down it as it hit the somewhat busy street

Oh boy, please don't go after it. No cars were seen so he went for it. That's when a speeding car decided this was the time and place to be speeding.

I quickly run down Aunt Clare's driveway and to the street grabbing the boy from the road to the grass.

He was frozen and breathing heavily. That's when I saw him crying. Ms.Arens opened the door eyes widen and a brown headed man appeared.

"Blaze Michelle Horrendous!" The man yelled as took him from me. "I said the backyard and you disobeyed me? You know you're only allowed in the front when we're out." Blaze nodded tears running about his face.

"Hiccup, lower you're voice. Don't traumatize him."

"You don't understand Elsa. This is my son and he could of got seriously hurt!"

Ms.Arens looked at me and sighed.

"Thank you Anna. And Hiccup we need to chat." Grabbing his ear she yanked him a crossed the street. Overall it was very funny to see a man being yanked by the ear not to mention it was his friend doing it.

Elsa

"Blaze, go play upstairs," I say and Hiccup nodded. Once he was upstairs I slapped his arm twice.

"That was for yelling at me and that was yelling at Blaze so roughly." Hiccup sighed rubbing his arm making me frown.

"Man you do pact a punch but don't tell me how to raise my son."

"Quit say my as if he isn't mine ethier!" I yell and he rolled his eyes.

"Els, you're my best friend and I love you for that but Blaze lives with me therefore he's more of my son than yours."

Pain overwhelmed me. It was his fault that I even got pregnant. Than not to mention got the cops called on me when I was depressed. That's when I lost custody. Blaze was only two at the time and things were rough.

"Get out. I cant even look at you right now," Hiccup's eyes softened and he went to grab my shoulder but I pushed the contact away.

"Blaze it's time to go!" He yelled getting the four year old's attention. "Els, I'm sorry." Once again he tried to hug me but I shoved him away.

"Go Hiccup."

"Bye mommy," I kneel down and hug the small child. Praying he knows I'm as much as his parent as his father is.

It's not fair. Hiccup got me pregnant and he says this shit to me. Pain gripped me as I sit down on the couch.

The brunette stumbling into mind all over again. Whenever I got depressed she found her way back.

Why can't my life be normal? Why did she leave me? Why did Hiccup have to get me pregnant and act like I'm not his mother?

 _LINE BREAK_

School came quickly and second hour came around. I wasn't in the mood to talk nor really listen to Anna today but it would be rude if I told her to go away.

All I could think about was the brunette and the pain was strong today. Whenever I did something id just remember her...remember us.

"Hey," Anna said and I nod showing her I knew she was here. "Did you end up killing your friend...Hiccup was it?"

I just shook my head. This morning Hiccup tried to call me but I had let him ring. I didn't feel like talking today. But sadly I had classes to teach.

"The boy-i mean Blaze is very cute. Hiccup is lucky to have such a cutie." I found myself frowning at the comment. I'm sick of him getting all the credit. I was left in the dust which is wrong considering I went through the pregnancy and he didn't. He just took him.

"Yeah..." I mumbled clearly upset.

"What's wrong? You two fight? You seem close to him." Closer than you'd imagine...

"...nothing," She frowned at me while I looked over my class notes. I wonder what fourth will be like today. That class is either hell raising or pure angles.

"Ms.Arens...you cam talk to me. I mean you don't have to but I would like it of you would. But still totally your choice...I'm gonna shut up now..."

I sigh taking a deep breath looking at her, "Blaze...he's my son too."

"How? I thought you were gay."

"I am...but we were drunk." I try to keep details short and she nods slowly processing it.

"His eyes look a lot like you now knowinf that. A deep iced blue...its really beautiful..." My head snapped over to look at her. My face burned which freaked me out.

This is wrong. Very wrong. She can't say that to me! I'm her teacher...yet it did.

 _ **(A/N)**_ _ **Wowzer, this chapter is really bland and really has little do with the plot. But angst is here, don't worry!**_ _ **Why am I struggling so hard with Elsa's character? hehe...but anyways awkward Anna anyone? (so many A's)**_ _ **I'm gonna try to build more chemistry between the two characters in the next few chapters.**_


	12. Chapter 12

_Chapter 12: The ship is sailing_

 ** _Anna_**

She has a son...she has a son! Then I do and I tell her that her eyes are beautiful. What's wrong with me?

What if Aunt Clare is right? What if I like my teacher? No. No I don't.

Ms.Arens eyes loom past me to her desk trying to hide the fact that she was indeed blushing. I caused that!

I don't know if I should be proud or disgusted with myself that I caused her to blush. I know this is wrong but I sorta feel special.

I mean if you can make the most shut in and guarded person blush that had to be some kind of achievement.

Wait am I actually serious here? Ugh, why am I so confused with myself. Maybe it was only because Ms.Arens' actually talks to me here. That and she was also pretty damn adorable looking. Dammit Anna! This is you're teacher.

Well to be fair with myself she does look very nice today. She decided to wear a dress. I know, a dress!

It was a simple light blue, a small snowflake necklace around her neck and simple white flats. Her hair still sadly up. I have never seen it down. Her hair had been up into a braid again.

I wonder what it would look like down...a mystery.

"Ms.Arens...tell me about Blaze." I rested my head on my hands watching her look up at me and softly shrug. "Oh come on pleeeaase!"

"Alright alright."

The stories she told me about him were adorable and I couldn't help but groan when the bell rang. I just wanted to hear her stories all day along.

"Are you going to the fair here in town?" She shook her head as she stood up stretching. "Why not?"

"Hiccup wants to bring Blaze to this fair in his hometown. Which will be a good three hours drive."

"Oh wow. I didn't realize how serious school takes this because I heard we get a week off."

"Yeah mostly because most of the students...well teachers included are drunk off their high horse." I smile at her and tried something new. I playfully and lightly hit her arm.

"You included?" She softly smiled and just shook her head.

"That would be Hiccup. I unfortunately get to drive." I giggle at the comment and nod. "Well you might want to move along. Third hour is coming." I nod and slowly make my way to the door but stop in my tracks.

"Thank you...for everything. And I know things will get better for you." I softly say. She just forces a nod and I leave.

Man was that awkward?

 ** _(A/N) Alright,I'm back. I've had huge writer's block on these two. I kinda feel like Elsa's character isn't going anywhere and that the plot is just moving too fast. Then Anna's just there to help Elsa which isn't what I want from her character._** ** _Ugh, I really need to sort the two out._** ** _I don't know. Maybe it's just me._** ** _But I do have plans for these two so don't worry. Some fluff will be coming soon. (And angst)_**


	13. Chapter 13

_C_ _hapter 13: Just an inside joke..._

 _ **Elsa**_

"Hi mommy!" Blaze says happily over the phone.

"Hey baby," My voice was scratchy and groggy while my back ached. Last time I'll take a nap at my desk.

We talked for bit before I had to go. I needed to summit the grades to the students online reports...plus a warm bath wouldn't kill me. I just need to remove all this stress and pain from my horrendous chair.

Hiccup and I are still arguing unfortunately. Well, I'm ignoring him while he calls my phone endlessly. I'll call him back, just not tonight.

As I stare at my office, my mind wonders back to a familiar redhead. It's so strange, how before that day she showed up to my class late, I wasn't so emotional.

But now all I can think about is my emotions.

I lift my feet to the chair, burying my head into my knees, frustration gripping me along with the stress knowing I still need to put those grades in.

 _ **Anna**_

Ms.Arens taught her class, the same as the last. Her face still emotionless and her voice flat as she rushed through her lesson just wanting to get the class work before work.

However before she could finish, the bell rung. She gave a stressful sigh while dipping her head in defeat.

"Class dismissed, we'll be picking up on this tomorrow. Make sure you bring your book."

Immediately I make my way out of my desk, avoiding the guy next to me. When I turn to grab my bag which was laying on the ground, I see Rapunzel glaring at me.

"You're hiding something Fields and I will find out what it is." I roll my eyes and look away. I swallow hard...what if she does?

I'm probably just over thinking this all. There is no way, she could find out.

Right?

 _LINE BREAK_

"Are you okay?"

"Yes," She mumbled switching her gaze from a stack of paper to her computer. I frown getting closer to her desk.

"What's wrong?"

"You're here for you. Not me." Her emotionless face looked up to stared at my eyes. I just shake my head frustrated, my hand resting on the wooden desk. "Take a seat Anna, so we can talk."

I roll my eyes, but nevertheless I turn on my heel and seat on the first desk I see.

"That's not a seat."

"Close enough," I smirk lightly as I see slight amusement fill those blue eyes. She just shakes her head passing it off before looking back down at her papers. "So Ms.Arens, why the name Blaze?"

I watch as confusion filled her face. When she understood the random question. Not even a minute lalater she pressed her lips together, amusement collecting her face as she does.

"Just an inside joke."

"Do I get to know it?" I ask. She sets her pen down, eyes squinting at me lightly.

"You know what marijuana is, right?" I just nod. "Well when Hiccup used to smoke it, I just happen to go into labor. Truth be told, Blaze came into this world with a high father who couldn't help but to crack a joke. A life time one..." Chuckling lightly as she told the story, I smile. "But that's a story Blaze won't learn until he's older than you."

"Ms.Arens?"

"Hm?"

I look to the floor, processing the thought at first. "Do you think people could find out that I'm trans?"

Ms.Arens stared at me for a moment before going back to her work.

"It's always a possibility but the likelihood of it happening isn't anything to worry about, I guess she could see the worry on my face because she smiled at me before speaking again. "Very few people know Anna. Don't let it get to you. Why do you ask?"

"Rapunzel is determine to figure out, 'what I'm hiding', it just makes me think that she could find out." I run my hand through my hair, catching on a knot making me whimper.

Guess we'll have to wait and see.

 _ **(A/N)**_ _ **Hey guys, bit of an update. I dunno, I just haven't had much inspiration to write about this story.**_ _ **I thought about discontinuing this book, but I decided against it for now since I have an idea what I want to do moving forward.**_ _ **I just feel like the more I write in here, the messier the story gets and plot shifts.**_ _ **Anyways, here's a filler since I didn't want to rush the next part into this one. Hopefully my writing for this story will improve.**_


	14. Chapter 14

_**TRIGGER WARNING: BRIEF MENTION OF SELF HARM!**_

* * *

 _Chapter 14: Even happy people crack too._

 _ **Anna**_

Today just seemed to be an off day, which isn't too normal for me since I normally am really positive and happy.

But today I just feel blah...about everything.

When I arrive to class, she sat at her desk per usual. Glasses at the bridge of her nose whilst she wrote god knows what on a stack of papers. Only, Amanda seemed to be trying to spark a conversation.

obviously not looking impressed at the interruption. Any other day I'd probably step in but instead, I slid into my desk and pushed my hoodie over my head. Counting my blessings that my teacher didn't see the interaction and try to spark conversation with me. Not that it was a huge concern, isn't much of a talker anyway.

"Hoods aren't allowed in class," Rapunzel hissed rolling her eyes before popping a mint gum in her mouth. Immediately I lose my train of thought and look over to what was a vacant desk. A smirk plastering on her face whilst she rolled the wrapper into a tight ball, then ever so casually she flicked it at me. It hit my cheek before dropping to the floor.

"Don't you have anything better to do then bash me?"

"Of course but this is way more fun." With the roll of my eyes, I rest my head onto the palm of my hand. I watch the rest of my classmates rush inside before the bell could go off and officially mark them as tardy.

Once the bell rang, my eyes shifted downwards. Letting the emotionless voice I found comfort in drown out my thoughts. Yet I never looked up to meet her blue eyes.

I skipped my second hour in 's room to stay in my normal study hall room. I just didn't want to talk to anyone...

I didn't want to hear my voice echo through my ears. It just wasn't where I wanted it to be and it will never be, even with the help of my hormones.

Just the thought of never being 'real' brought tears to cloud my eyes.

Why couldn't I be born normal?

"Anna?" I look up to meet piercing blue eyes, immediately sending shivers down my spine like they were winter themself. "Are you feeling well? You didn't see right in first and you didn't show up for your usual talk."

"Yeah..."

"Come on, I can tell you got something on your mind." Sighing I stand up, collecting my things quickly. Practically shoving it all into the small bag before resting one strap on my shoulder.

As we make our way out the classroom, gives my other teacher a small fake smile with a half effort wave.

The walk to her classroom was slow and filled with painfully awkward silence. I play with the end of my sweater as I listen to her heels click against the hard flooring. The sound itself comforting for the far too quiet trip. Shifting my eyes to every light and door frame as we pass it. When we enter the classroom, she shut the door slowly before gesturing me to take a seat not too far from her own.

As I did, she grabbed her chair rolling it in front of the desk, my eyes shifting to the wood. I could hear her hands knock against the desk softly as she rested them there.

"What's on your mind?"

I stayed silent trying to process what to say. What could I say?

I hated everything about myself today. That I have a penis where a vagina should be and a voice that made me cringe every time it rang through my ears?

It wasn't typical for me to feel this way. More boarding the rare side. I always prided myself for loving who I was...why can't I do that now?

"Anna, I can't help you if you keep it all inside." Pretty ironic for her to say considering.

"I'm just dealing with gender dysphoria pretty hard today..." I trail off, huffing my breath lightly.

"Oh." I don't like the sound of that 'oh'. It was the type of 'oh' that made me want to run and hide. The type of 'oh' that was clearly uncomfortable and nervous.

But I can't blame her for the reaction. She doesn't have to deal with this nor should she have to deal with a student who does.

"Is there anything you need me to do?" I just shake my head lightly. "Alright. How about a rant? Go on vent my ears away, I know that helps you...but once again I am a mandated reporter. So if you give me reason to believe your gonna hurt yourself or anyone else, I do have to report it."

"I know," I mumble lowly. She always says that when she knows I'm about to drop something serious. But I guess that's apart of her job to say so.

"Do you know what it's like to hate yourself? For reasons you can't control?" I watch her face drop slightly before she shrugged. Obviously not wanting to answer my question.

"Not like the way you are right now." Her voice was soft spoken and quiet. Almost afraid of me suddenly snapping.

"I wake up every day telling myself, one day someone will like me. You know, all of me without hesitation. Without judgment. Doesn't-... who am I kidding. I don't even like myself at times. I try, I really do."

"I know you do, Anna."

"I always tell myself, 'I got great parents, a brother who I'm close to, and I was able to transition'. That there is always someone who doesn't have that. Who can't transition, who don't have great parents, and have siblings that hate them'...so who am I to complain?"

I drop my head down. Eyes threatening to water at any given moment.

"You are entitled to your emotions. You are allowed to be not okay."

"I am okay, I just wish I was born right. So I didn't have to self-vocalize my voice or worry if my pants are too tight and show what's shouldn't be there. I fucking hate it."

"I-...I don't know what to-"

"You don't have to. I do love myself. I just have times where I hate my body."

I glance up to see playing with a charm bracelet that wrapped around her wrist.

"In my opinion, Anna, you look far better than any other girl walking these halls."

Before I could question her, the bell rang cutting my thoughts in half.

"That's the bell. Try to cheer up, Anna. I know it's easier said than done but your body isn't nothing shy from this 'normal' female imagine you have in your head."

stood from her chair, wheeling it to her desk then turning to me. I swallow slowly as I stared at her, not knowing really what to say.

Pressing my lips together, I take a deep breath to calm myself and my thoughts. Softly I nod, "Thank you. Really, these talks help me a lot."

"I'm glad. Now off to class, wouldn't want you to be late." I swing my bag onto my shoulder. "Oh and Anna, whatever you do... don't lose yourself at the hand of a knife. I know how self-hate can alter your thinking."

"How did you I was about that?"

"I could see it in your eyes and glances at my arms to see if you could make out anything on them under my selves." I drop my head embarrassed. I didn't think she would notice. I glance up to see rolling her sleeves up to reveal old scarring covering fragile pale wrists. "They're not pretty. Don't mark yourself with them, you hear me?"

I nodded quickly. "Yes, ma'am." She gave me a half smile before going back to her desk. Writing on a bubble-gum pink slip before handing it to me. "What's this for?"

She raised a brow and pointed at the clock just in time as the bell rang once again for my third hour to start.

"Shit!"

With that, I was out the door and many things on my mind.

But one thing for sure, I wasn't too worried about my image anymore and that brought a small smile to my face.

* * *

 _ **(A/N)**_

 _ **Another fairly short chapter. Woohoo, I suck at reasonable lengths.**_

 _ **Anywho, I've been stuck in bed for the past day and show no really signs of being able to leave it for long periods of time due to my decrease of health anytime soon, so I'll have more time to write and edit for this story.**_

 _ **I dunno, I like seeing Anna's downfalls as well since she's human too and she is transgender. And personally I know how it feels and it's not all rainbows and sunshine so I wanted her character to go through some things other trans* people face.**_ _ **Well bye for now, I'll try to have another chapter up sometime soon and longer than this one. I'm not really liking these short nonsense chapters.**_


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